that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
