i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Of course I have a pirate flag
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
