I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
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I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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