I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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