This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
