The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize