dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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