I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
