Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
