Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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