I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
