I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
