Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
