we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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