My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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