i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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