i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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