i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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