I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm like, not good at living.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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