Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
