at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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