Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
3 2 1 whiskey
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
