so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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