Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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