Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
