I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
