Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
