Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
