I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
