the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
