i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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