omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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