And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
