I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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