mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
