I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?