Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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