The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
