His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
