Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
