You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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