My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
