I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
