You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
