Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
