I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
