I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
3pm strippers are depressing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
