I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
