I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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