Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
