wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
