My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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