Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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