Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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