who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Randomize
