Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
