wakey wakey hands off snakey
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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