I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
