This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
