yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
