SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
