She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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