Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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