I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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