Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How's work?
Spinning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
