I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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