He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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