All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
