Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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