She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
