you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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