I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
