it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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