if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
