the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
