that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
