those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
