After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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