were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
