ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm just crazy horny about you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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