if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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