guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
