If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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