yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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